Wednesday, September 17, 2008

White people shouldn't dance

April 18, 1998. The day I got married. Also the day I killed dancing forever. I’d danced in public many times before but surprisingly my wedding was the first time it was recorded on video. I always sensed that my dance skills left something to be desired but I never knew the full extent of my futility until I watched it on video. It was a painful moment of realization. From that point on I invoked a personal moratorium on dancing. I strongly suggest that all other white people do the same. Maybe you think you're a good dancer so this suggestion doesn't apply to you. But here's the thing - thinking something and it actually being true are two completely different things altogether. It's not your fault you were born white and there's nothing you can do to change it. So suck it and play the hand you were dealt. Look at it this way - would it be a good idea for a person born without arms to take up rowing? Of course not - so why put yourself through the agony. If you're still not convinced go out to a club and watch the white people dance. Even if they're able to fake it on the bottom check out their arms. Yup that's right - they have no fxxxin idea what to do with them. Painful isn't it? Like watching a fat kid run laps during gym class. I'm not saying all white people can't dance. Genetic anomalies exist to create exceptions to any rule. But why leave it to chance? If you're white and someone asks you to dance - just say no. You'll thank me later.

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