Thursday, January 22, 2009

Father of the year

Father of the year candidates step aside. I believe we have a winner. His name is Robert Blue and he’s from Clark County, Nevada. Blue, 53, was arrested for false imprisonment, child endangerment, and child abuse, after his 15-year old daughter was found beaten and chained to her bed. But wait, it’s not what it seems. In the arrest report, Blue told police his daughter was chained to her bed to keep her out of the kitchen and from over-eating. Apparently he was upset because his daughter weighs around 165 pounds, and Blue wanted her to weigh between 140 and 145 pounds, which is her ideal fighting weight in mixed martial arts. I bet you feel silly for judging him now, don't you? Who else do you know who cares enough about their child to literally chain them to their bed so they can get down to their ideal fighting weight? If that’s not love I don’t know what is. Blue told police he didn't think he had committed a crime and that he was acting in his daughter's best interest. Of course, how can you argue with that logic? Police said Blue had been shackling his daughter to her bed with a padlock and chain since Jan. 12, when he said he found pea and corn containers in her room. Apparently she had found a way around the locks and chains Blue had placed on the pantry and refrigerator doors. What choice did he have, people? That little fatty was picking the locks on the fridge and pantry doors and sneaking back into her room to binge on peas and corn. Don’t you know how fattening canned vegetables can be? Blue also admitted to beating his daughter with a wooden stick as a training tool and to kicking her. Hell yeah, ya gotta be tough if you wanna fight in mixed martial arts. How else was he supposed toughen her up? Everyone knows that only pansies train with boxing gloves and punching bags. There has been no word yet on whether or not Blue's wife knew what was going on. Don’t judge her either, people. Mrs. Blue was probably too busy teaching the other children choke holds and leg locks in the garage to help out with the training indoors. The couple's other children were also placed in protective custody along with their 15-year old sister. What a damn shame. Now those poor little bastards are gonna grow up soft and weak just like regular kids. Their only hope for a future in MMA is if they end up with abusive foster parents. One can only hope.

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