Saturday, April 18, 2009

No love for the Octomom



Dear Octofreak,

I’m writing to inform you that my previous letter posted on February 7, was far too kind. At that point the sordid details of your disturbing life were just starting to trickle out and I was not yet fully aware of just how disdainful a person you truly are. In this, my second attempt to enlighten you, I will be far more direct. Let me start out by saying that you make me and every other responsible parent on earth completely sick. You brought 8 babies into the world that you have no possible way of caring for when you already had 6 children that you weren’t taking care of on your own. How fucking selfish are you? Even your own parents have come out publicly and criticized your actions. At least the Duggar freakshow (just heard number 19’s on the way) has the financial means to support their multiplying litter (allegedly). I digress… I saw on the news that you’re shopping around for a reality television show. Really? Let me ask you this. Who in their right mind would tune in to watch a reality show about pathetic fucking you? Okay I admit it, when there’s nothing else on TV I’ll occasionally tune into the reality drivel on VH1 (Real Chance of Love, Rock of Love, I Love Money, etc.). But as indulgent and gratuitous as those shows are, I’d rather chop off my right arm than watch even a single second of your sorry ass on TV. You’re a complete waste of air and space, Octohog. I also heard that you’re not happy with the Octomom moniker you’ve been tagged with by the media, yet you’ve gone ahead and tried to copyright it anyway in the hopes that you can use it to help sell your “brand”. Bitch, your brand is straight fucking crazy and I don’t know anyone anywhere who’d want to buy that. Even Paris Hilton thinks your new found “fame” makes a mockery of the word. At least if Paris gets pregnant (quite surprising it hasn’t happened yet actually) it will be the result of her having sex with a man. But you don’t need a man because you’re so strong and independent, right? Speaking of that, how’s the job hunt going, Octocunt? (I normally wouldn’t use that word but for you it’s completely appropriate) What? You’re not looking for a job? Your plan all along was to give birth to an outrageous number of babies and then exploit them into becoming your meal ticket? How’s that workin out for ya, Octopig? (borrowed that one from Jim Rome) I think what you failed to factor into your devious plan was that in order to use the media to get paid you have to be a) a sympathetic figure or b) a likeable person, and you Ocotohag, are neither. In fact it’s hard to even think of another person that the public hates as much as we hate you. Osama Bin Laden maybe? Which gives me a great idea. Why don’t you do us all a favor and go bury yourself deep under a mountain someplace far far away where not even high tech satellites can find you. Live out the rest of your life in the dark like the filthy rat that you are. Hell, the tax payers are going to pay for the raising of your children whether you’re around or not, and at least if you disappear they’ll have half a chance at turning out semi-normal. In closing if I never half to see your creepy, jokeresque mug again it will be too soon. Go away Octobitch, you suck.

Sincerely,

The cold, hard truth

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