Monday, April 13, 2009
Polar Bear Attacks Woman at Berlin Zoo
Call me a terrible person but I find this story absolutely hilarious. I seriously can't watch the video without laughing out loud. What's wrong with this guy you're probably asking yourself. Well, many things but that's not the point. The point is that regardless of the extent of injuries sustained during the attack, this crazy bitch totally had it coming. Nobody asked her to jump into the enclosure. In fact it took quite a lot of effort on her part to get in there in the first place. She had to scale down a large fence, scrape through a wide hedge full of thorns, and climb over a concrete wall before finally swan diving into the murky moat below where the polar bears swim. Besides it's not like the injuries she sustained were life threatening so don't judge me for being amused. Watch the video (it's all over the net) and see for yourself. It starts with the woman plunging awkwardly into the dirty moat water and making a terrific splash (she's a rather portly woman). She then has a look of elation on her face as she breast-strokes across the filthy moat toward one of the fully-grown adult polar bears (almost as if she's invisioning their loving embrace once she reaches the other side). Just before reaching the massive creature she receives the ultimate reality check in the form of the bear biting her violently on the back of her arm (see image above). It's at this point that panic visibly sets in and she begins to ponder the aptitude of her decision making process. The unassuming bear, who seems largely disinterested in the attack, lets her go as she frantically splashes her way back across the moat to a life preserver ring rescuers have thrown into the water. She inexplicably squeezes the small ring over her large midsection as rescuers attempt to pull her out of the water and over a large retaining wall. Halfway up the wall however gravity and physics win out as the ring gives way and the woman falls helplessly back into the water below. Appearing amused by this chain of events, one of the other adult bears swims over toward the woman, dives under the water, and proceeds to bite her on the ass. The bear lets go as one of the rescuers pokes him violently in the face with a large rod (poor bear didn't see it coming). The bear is momentarily shaken and distracted, as the woman is finally lifted out of the water and over the wall to safety by a high grade length of rope and a pair of rescuers who are clearly no strangers to the weight room. The woman was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment and was cited by police for trespassing. Her motives are still unclear but on-lookers surmised that her intent was to befriend the bears. Attempting to befriend the largest land carnivore on earth, and no less during feeding time? Of course, that makes perfect sense. I know I know this woman clearly has severe mental issues which need to be dealt with, and that on its own is sad. But I'm sorry, watching people do stupid shit will never not be funny (so long as nobody dies, which she didn't, so lighten up people). A big thanks to whoever caught this incident on video - well done.
This polar bear attack (although it's hard to even call it an attack when a person breaks into the bears house) triggers memories of a similar incident that took place at the San Diego Zoo back in the late 80's or early 90's I believe. A young man broke into the polar bear enclosure and was, wait for it, mauled by the bears (big surprise, I know). Just like in the recent Berlin incident he was seriously injured but survived the attack. While recovering in the hospital he was asked why he entered the polar bear enclosure. His response was so brilliant that I can't help but think of it and smile every time I see bears at the zoo. He replied with a completely straight face and the utmost sincerity "one of the bears was waving me in." You can't make this shit up.