Thursday, September 10, 2009
Resident Scumbag Mike Duvall Caught With Pants Down
Will the biggest idiot in the room please stand up? That’s right ladies and gentlemen - it’s California assemblyman Michael Duvall, Orange County’s 72nd Assembly District Representative and a crusader for conservative “family values”.
In July of this year - just two days after Assembly Speaker Karen Bass and Republican leader Sam Blakeslee put Duvall on the Rules Committee that oversees member ethics - the second-term, Republican assemblyman sat in a public hearing and vividly described lewd details about his trysts with a female lobbyist whose clients had business before another committee on which Duvall sits. What Duvall didn’t realize at the time was that he made the comments into a live microphone. That’s right folks - the microphone directly in front of his face was hot. Apparently it was turned on about a minute before the start of a cable-televised committee hearing, which gave Duvall just enough time to flush his entire career down the toilet. What makes this development even more ironic is that earlier this year Duvall received "100 percent" approval scores from the California Republican Assembly, the state's leading conservative outfit, and the Capitol Resource Institute (CRI), a fierce guardian of traditional family values.
“Assemblyman Duvall has been a consistent trooper for the conservative causes,” CRI president Karen England announced in March. “For the last two years, he has voted time and time again to protect and preserve family values in California. We are grateful for his support of California families.”
Fucking priceless. Dude receives 100 percent approval scores and is lauded by the CRI for being a fierce guardian of traditional family values, and not four months later he’s caught describing the sordid details of his affair with a married lobbyist into a hot microphone at a capitol hearing no less. Did I mention he’s also married with two grown children of his own? What a dipshit. Apparently his hypocrisy knows no bounds.
Duvall, speaking to a relatively mum Republican colleague seated to his left (assemblyman Jeff Miller, R-Corona), was captured in the middle of recounting portions of an affair.
"She wears little eye-patch underwear," said Duvall, who is married with two children. "So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!"
Just when we’d gotten the horrible image of President Clinton blowing his load all over that portly intern… now this. Thanks for the disgusting and equally disturbing visual, assemblyman Duvall (or should I say former assemblyman?). Who’s going to be paying for my therapy this time?
Duvall--who was twice president of the Yorba Linda Chamber of Commerce, served two terms as mayor of Yorba Linda before entering the assembly in 2006, and is the owner of an insurance agency--continues his tale:
"So, I am getting into spanking her. Yeah, I like it. I like spanking her. She goes, 'I know you like spanking me.' I said, 'Yeah! Because you're such a bad girl!” He then laughed.
Mikey – you sick, old son of a bitch. How uh… ? Why uh… ? Nevermind – just read on. It gets even better.
The assemblyman representing Anaheim, Fullerton, Placentia, Orange, Brea, La Habra and Yorba Linda then offered clues to the identity of his sex partner.
"And so her birthday was Monday," he said at the Wednesday, July 8 committee hearing. "I was 54 on June 14, so for a month, she was 19 years younger than me. I said, 'Now, you're getting old. I am going to have to trade you in.' And she goes, '[I'm] 36.' She is 18 years younger than me. And so I keep teasing her, and she goes, 'I know you French men. You divide your age by two and add seven, and if you're older than that, you dump us.”
According to voter-registration records, veteran Sacramento-based lobbyist Heidi DeJong Barsuglia turned 36 years old on Monday, July 6. Oops – I guess the cat’s out of the bag. Nice work assemblyman, now you’ve not only ruined your career but also the career of the slut who was banging you.
Legislative sources say they have witnessed Duvall, who is vice chairman of the Assembly's powerful Committee on Utilities & Commerce, socializing after-hours with Barsuglia. Sources--who asked for anonymity because of Duvall's power in the capitol--say Susan Duvall usually stays in Orange County during the week, when her husband flies to Sacramento. They also say they have seen Duvall with Barsuglia in restaurants, "arm-in-arm" at political fund-raising events, and even shopping together for groceries just blocks from the capitol building.
"Their relationship is the worst-kept secret in Sacramento," a capitol staffer recently told me. "He's old and fat. She's hot, blonde and about 20 years younger. He could have never gotten a woman like that before he got this job.”
First off I must disagree with the statement that she’s “hot, blonde and about 20 years younger” (see picture at top of this post). She is blonde and about 20 years younger than Duvall, but she’s certainly not hot. Especially not with Duvall’s gross old-man stew oozing out of her… sorry - uncalled for I know – couldn’t resist. But he's probably right - no way she bangs him for free.
Which brings us to the collusion part of our story. In April--two months after Duvall became vice chairman of the Utilities & Commerce committee--privately owned California utility giant Sempra Energy hired Barsuglia as one of its top lobbyists, according to Secretary of State records. The San Diego-based utility conglomerate isn't shy about lobbying lawmakers for favorable treatment. This session, they gave Duvall $1,500 in campaign contributions. In May, the assemblyman officially adopted the company's negative view on Assembly Bill 64, which proposes increasing the percentage of electricity the utilities must procure from environmentally sensitive sources.
Sempra's 2008-2009 "Code of Business Conduct" states, "We've built [the company's] rich tradition because of the emphasis we place on ethical business conduct and compliance with the laws and regulations that govern our business. We don't compromise on either for the sake of success".
Hiring a round-heeled lobbyist to fuck a gross, old assemblyman in exchange for his political support? Yeah – sounds like Sempra’s a pretty ethical organization to me. You think I can get a break on my electric bill if I proposition the meter maid?
Apparently Barsuglia wasn’t the only two-bit tramp Duvall was laying the wood to as he went on to reference a second, simultaneous affair with another married lobbyist. He seemed amused that he was cheating on both his wife and a mistress.
"Oh, yeah, Sher, Shar, Shar," Duvall said. "Oh, she is hot! I talked to her yesterday. She goes, 'So are we finished?' I go, 'No, we're not finished.' I go, 'You know about the other one [Barsuglia], but she doesn't know about you!” The assemblyman punctuated his observation with more laughter.
Wow – talk about a blind squirrel finding an acorn in the snow. This fat, old fucker found not one but two women who were willing to indulge in his sick sexual trysts, albeit with a political agenda in mind. If you think about it this story really gives new meaning to the term community outreach. Taxpayer and ratepayer money “hard” at work if you get what I mean. I know, I know – indulgent – couldn’t help myself.
In a recent development to this story assemblyman Duvall, who stepped down immediately after legislative leaders stripped him of his committee posts and launched an ethics probe of his actions, came out this morning and denied having any affairs.
"I want to make it clear that my decision to resign is in no way an admission that I had an affair or affairs," Duvall said in a statement on his website. "My offense was engaging in inappropriate story-telling and I regret my language and choice of words. The resulting media coverage was proving to be an unneeded distraction to my colleagues and I resigned in the hope that my decision would allow them to return to the business of the state."
So you made the whole thing up, huh assemblyman? On the one hand I want to believe you because the thought of you naked having sex with anyone makes me want to stab out my eyes with a hot poker (no pun intended), but on the other hand you’re a fat, fast-talking politician so my gut tells me you’re full of shit.
Your latest move is certainly a head-scratcher though. You could’ve easily come clean, admitted your indiscretions, and used the dirty bribe money you’ve obviously been accepting from day one you took office to fund a nice, quiet retirement. But instead you decide to lie about the affairs and will now undoubtedly be dragged before some legislative committee where you’ll be put under oath. If you lie under oath and get caught (which let’s face it - you will), you’ll be promptly fitted for an orange jumpsuit and dragged off to the hoosegow where the only action you’ll get will be Borat’s ass-pussy. Nice work, dumbfuck. You wouldn’t happen to be using the same legal adviser as Rod Blagojevich would you?
As TV camera crews chased lawmakers through capitol corridors for comment on the scandal Wednesday, the place was abuzz with gossip: other lawmakers with lobbyist mistresses, inappropriate invitations to romantic dinners, married legislators and industry officials canoodling at fundraisers and after-hours mixers. Duvall, some said, just happened to get caught.
Which paints a picture that the state legislature of California is nothing more than a cesspool of crooks, pimps, hookers, sex, and corruption masquerading as a network of elected public officials operating in the best interests of the people. Wow. God bless politics and God bless America!