Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Bad Tiger



Am I the only one amused by the subtle irony in the recent Tiger Woods scandal? Dude cheats on his wife then gets his ass beat by said wife with a 7-iron, the very same 7-iron he’s used to become a global sports icon. As he attempts to flee the scene of the scorn-filled beat down she then smashes out the back windows of his pimped-out Escalade with the 7-iron, the very same 7-iron he used to earn the money to buy said Escalade. Oh yes this scandal is wrought with much irony indeed.

A golf club – the tool he uses to hit a little white ball 400 yards on a rope to within feet of a little hole in the ground – it’s what’s made Tiger, Tiger. It’s also what’s given him extreme wealth and riches, fame and notoriety the world over, and let’s face it it’s the only reason he ever landed a wife as hot as Elin in the first place. Seriously - he doesn’t seem to be a particularly nice guy, he doesn’t appear to possess much personality whatsoever, and when he takes his hat off he’s downright ugly. If he wasn’t Tiger Woods “golf god” do you really think Elin would have ever given him the time of day? But no, Elin wasn’t good enough for you, Tiger. You needed some strange so you went out and got your jollies elsewhere (and it sounds like multiple elsewhere’s based on recent developments - ouch). Hey Eldrick – when your fans yell “put it in the hole” you do know they’re talking about golf, right? Just think about how difficult it must have been for that beautiful creature to procreate with your ugly ass. She probably had to take pills just to keep from vomiting. And you had the audacity to cheat on her? But alas, in a swift moment of oh so poetic justice she got even by going meat tenderizer on your adultering ass with a… wait for it… a golf club, the very instrument which created you. She could have picked any number of other convenient objects to do the job: a baseball bat, a candle stick, even a mallet, but no she chose a golf club and do you think this was just a happy coincidence? Well done, Elin. I like your style.

The subtle irony is not the best part of this story however. The best part is that it illustrates one of life's most simple truths: No man no matter who they are (not even a legendary sports icon like Tiger) is above the basic laws of human decency. To put it another way if you cheat on the person you committed to forever there will be a hefty price to pay. Oh but he’s Tiger Woods – just think about all the women who must be throwing themselves at him on a daily basis. With temptation like that how can you really blame him for his indiscretions, right? Bullshit - at the end of the day we all have free will and we are all accountable for our actions, even the great Tiger Woods. He got caught with his pants down and just look at the fallout: His reputation is tarnished forever, his hot wife will likely leave him (if she’s not a doormat like Kobe’s wife), she will most certainly take half his shit with her, and the majority of his sponsors will probably pull the plug on their endorsement deals with him. And it’s all because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. I was at the airport the other day and I saw an advertisement that cleverly correlated challenges experienced on the golf course with challenges experienced in the business world. At the bottom of the sign was a picture of Tiger Woods with that stoic look on his face and the caption read: “Go on, be a Tiger”. Suddenly that slogan seems to have lost all of its luster (there goes your Accenture sponsorship, douche bag).

The moral of this story is simple: Don’t cheat on your wife, it never ends well.

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