Thursday, December 2, 2010

LPGA Opens Huge Can of Worms

Let me preface this post by stating that I care about professional women’s golf just about as much as I care about professional women’s basketball, and I care about professional women’s basketball only slightly less than I care about professional women’s softball (have you seen Jennie Finch?). That said I just had to chime in on this recent change in LPGA tour policy.

The LPGA's players voted Tuesday to allow transgender women golfers a chance to play on the tour by amending the organization's constitution and removing the "female at birth" requirement. The vote came at a meeting ahead of the LPGA Tour Championship, which starts Thursday at Grand Cypress Golf Club in Orlando (which no one including myself will be watching). The change followed a lawsuit filed by a transgender woman over the "female at birth" requirement. Lana Lawless, a 57-year-old who underwent gender reassignment surgery in 2005, filed the lawsuit in U.S. District Court in San Francisco (where else?) in October, claiming the policy violates California civil rights laws. Lawless won the women's world championship in long-drive golf in 2008 (duh – she’s a dude), but was barred from competing this year because Long Drivers of America -- which oversees the event -- had changed its policy to mirror that of the LPGA.

I’m going to sound callous and insensitive here, but what the fuck, several of my recent posts have been on the touchy, feely side and I think I’m more than overdue for some inappropriate honesty so here goes. Just because you’ve had your junk clipped, a pair of fun bags bolted on, and try like hell to conceal your Janet Reno man-voice, that doesn’t mean you’re a lady, Lana. And the last time I checked the LPGA still stands for LADIES Professional Golf Association. What the hell were those nags thinking? I can hear the crazy wheels turning already. There’s probably at least a half dozen over-zealous male golf pros out there (who weren’t quite good enough to cut it on the men’s tour – no pun intended) contemplating hacking off their junk to make another run at glory on the women’s tour. Not to mention all the misguided souls who flamed out in other sports. Whether it was their intention or not those dimwits on the LPGA tour just opened up a huge can of worms and allowed nut jobs across the world to make a full fledged assault on professional women’s sports.

Do I think Lana Lawless (love the irony in his/her last name) is a hermaphroditic freak show? Sure, a little (don’t judge me - I grew up in east county), but I’m all for civil rights and I firmly believe that everyone including transgenders deserves equal rights and treatment under the law. I also happen to think that Mr./Ms. Lawless’ lawsuit is an egregious abuse of the civil rights system, and that by allowing a former man to participate in a professional woman’s sport we’re granting him/her greater than equal rights under the law. If Lawless is so intent on playing professional golf perhaps he/she should start their own transgender tour – the TPGA (wonder what tees they’d hit from?).

We all know exactly why the LPGA players voted in favor of this policy change. You’re all thinking it so I’ll go ahead and say it. Most of the players on the professional women’s tour are gay (or at least they sure look that way) so they’re naturally more sensitive to the plight of transgenders and the difficulties they face fitting in. That said it should come as no surprise that they voted to include transgender women on the tour. The problem is transgender women aren’t really (biologically speaking) women at all. It’s hard to believe they could be so short-sighted and not consider the impact this policy change would have on not just professional women’s golf but professional women’s sports as a whole.

Well done LPGA - and you thought the ratings were bad before.

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