Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Stupid People Are So Lucky



I have a Golden Retriever named Max. He’s probably the stupidest animal on the planet. All that dumb mother f*cker needs is a tennis ball and he’s 100% content. If you really think about it he’s brilliant in his simplicity – dumb as a box of rocks - but brilliant nonetheless. He’s always got a huge, horsey grin on his big, dumb face and there’s not a single ounce of ill will in his entire, clumsy body. I love that dog and he loves me back completely. Without question. Which makes me wonder: If it takes so little to make a creature so dumb completely happy, does the same paradigm apply to people? Or to put it another way is there a positive correlation between stupidity and happiness?

To answer this question I can think of no better place to look than my own life. I’m no Rhodes Scholar but I do consider myself a person of above average intelligence. Plus I just scored genius level on one of those pop-up internet IQ tests, so I’ve got that going for me. That said sometimes I think I’d be happier if I was a little less intelligent. Example: Details stress me out. I really don’t want to know how jet engines work (I do) because then I’d know how easy it is for shit to go wrong (it is) and I’d be freaked out every time I board a plane (I am). If I was stupid I probably wouldn’t question everything around me, feel the need to do subsequent research, and stress myself out in the process. Instead I could coast through life in a fog of blissful ignorance (a la the Bush’s). In this example how would being stupid not make me an incrementally happier person (have you seen the huge, shit eating grin on Dubya’s face)?

In several ways I already am quite stupid – just ask my wife. The first thing that comes to mind is my terrible sense of direction, or lack thereof. I can literally go to the same place like ten times and still not remember how to get there. It drives my wife freaking nuts. But you know what? I don’t need to know how to get anywhere because I've got GPS in my car, and GPS makes me happy. Which begs the question: If technology is able to mask the retarded section of my brain responsible for direction (and put a smile on my face in the process) what other intellectual short-comings could technology be making up for or actually improving? Unfortunately I’ll never know because I’m too smart… and you can chalk up another victory for stupidity.

Embarrassing personal example #2: One of my wife’s favorite things to say is that “I’m the dumbest smart person she knows” (her words not mine). This statement stems in large part from my utter lack of common sense. I could list off numerous examples under this topic but for the sake of my own personal credibility I choose not to. All I’ll say is that in these recurring moments of poor judgment (lovingly pointed out by my sweet flower) it always makes me feel good that despite this glaring mental deficiency / character flaw I still somehow convinced her to marry me… which must make me one lovable idiot (big smile on my face). And there you have it: Further proof that the road of stupidity does indeed meander towards the parking lot of happiness. Are you sensing a trend here?

I can only speak from my own personal experience but based on the overwhelming evidence above I’d say there’s only one logical conclusion: Yes – there is absolutely a positive correlation between stupidity and happiness. All you dumb bastards out there have no idea how lucky you are :)

Peace and Love,

The Quinsey Blog

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