Thursday, May 26, 2011

Biggest D-Bag of the Month Award

In this corner, weighing in at 89 years old and hailing from Oakland, CA, the man who unsuccessfully predicted the end of the world (for the 3rd time), radio broadcaster / cult leader Harold Camping.

And in this corner, weighing in at 62 years old and hailing from the most pathetic country in the world (France), the man accused of raping a New York City hotel maid, (soon to be former) IMF Chief / presidential candidate Dominique Strauss-Kahn.

The contenders:

Harold Camping boldly predicted the world would come to a fiery end on May 21, 2011. It didn’t. He also predicted the world would end on May 21, 1988, and on September 7, 1994. Wrong and wrong again. Leading up to each erroneous prediction many of his “fringe” religious followers invested their life savings to spread the word about the world’s demise (I’m sorry but anyone dumb enough to believe this freak deserves to be broke). Camping’s response to being wrong AGAIN? "On May 21, this last weekend, this is where the spiritual aspect of it really comes through. God again brought judgment on the world. We didn’t see any difference but God brought Judgment Day to bear upon the whole world. The whole world is under Judgment Day and it will continue right up until Oct. 21, 2011, and by that time the whole world will be destroyed,” he proclaimed in his first television interview since the botched prediction. Oh I get it - so May 21st was just the “spiritual” end of the world – the “actual” end won’t occur for another five months – now it makes perfect sense. And I’m sure you didn’t just make that shit up to cover your ass after May 21 came and went without incident, right Harold? Pretty convenient that the “spiritual” end couldn’t be seen, heard, or felt. Kind of like saying fat people are pretty on the inside or the Easter Bunny is real. Also convenient that you’ll probably be dead before October 21st arrives given that you’re an 89 year old crypt keeper. Hey Nostradamus – give it a rest already. Nobody wants to see your tired, wrinkled, old mug on TV, or hear the pathetic excuses for why your ridiculous predictions failed to materialize.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn (or DSK as he’s known in Europe) allegedly forced a New York City hotel housekeeper to perform oral sex and submit to anal sex, in addition to allegedly attempting to rape her, according to a complaint filed by the office of Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance. What the f*ck DSK, I’m not sure how you guys conduct yourselves over in France, but here in America we take things like forced oral and anal sex pretty seriously. Police say at approximately 1 p.m. on May 15, the hotel housekeeper entered room 2806 at Sofitel in Manhattan -- a luxury $3,000-per-night, multi-room suite -- when Strauss-Kahn allegedly walked out of his bathroom naked and forced himself on the 32-year-old woman. Strauss-Kahn was taken into custody at around 4:30 p.m. as he was sitting in the first-class section of a Paris-bound Air France jet at John F. Kennedy International Airport, just as the doors were closing for takeoff. Just like a Frenchmen to commit a crime then run home to France with his tail between his legs (no pun intended) to hide from the law. So how did police know where to find Strauss-Kahn, you might be wondering? Well, at some point after the maid had informed the hotel and police of Strauss-Kahn's alleged crimes, he called the hotel to get his phone back (apparently he’d left in a hurry – I wonder why?). A hotel security official asked for his location in order to return the phone, and then passed on his location at JFK airport to the authorities. Hey DSK - what do cell phones cost these days anyway? And you were spending how much per night on your luxury hotel suite? So you’re obviously not just a sick pervert, but also a complete dumbass. God bless the French. This incident is not Strauss-Kahn’s first brush with sexual misconduct during his tenure. In 2008 he had an affair with a Hungarian economist and later admitted he made an "error of judgment." French Journalist, Tristane Banon, recently came public with accusations that Strauss-Kahn attempted to rape her during a 2002 interview for her book (when she was just 22 years old). For years he has had a reputation in France as a ladies' man, and has been nicknamed "the great seducer” (more like “the pathetic raper” based on recent events). Strauss-Kahn’s wife, American-born French journalist Anne Sinclair, is in denial about the whole thing. "I do not believe for a single second the accusations leveled against my husband," she said in a statement translated from French (which is ironic considering she’s American-born… I digress). Face it Anne – your husband is a miserable pig-boy who has no respect for women (including you) and can’t keep his dick in his pants.

And there you have it, two crazy old bastards: one with a penchant for predicting rapture, and the other a socially deviant sexual predator. So who’s the bigger d-bag?

And the winner is… DSK in a landslide. Enjoy Rikers Island you cheese-loving piece of shit. Where you’ll be sure to get a proper education in non-consensual blow jobs and butt sex. Like we needed another reason to hate the French.

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