Thursday, May 5, 2011

Bin Laden’s Dead And I’m Left Feeling… Conflicted

When I first saw the news on Sunday night I was surprised. The realization, that after 10 years on the lamb we finally got this piece of shit, led to a quiet, easy happiness (the bottle wine didn’t hurt either). While lying in bed a few hours later I felt guilty for rejoicing in the death of a fellow human being (a severely broken human being to be sure but a human being nonetheless). I woke up on Monday morning with feelings of apathy towards Bin Laden, his death, and the whole f*cking “war on terror” in general. “Got more important things to worry about”, I thought to myself. I turned on the news and was inundated with patriotic images of fans chanting, “USA! USA! USA!”, at the Phillies/Mets game, people dancing in the streets of New York City near Ground Zero, and folks holding up American flags and signs in support of our military on street corners in towns across America. I was hit with a sudden rush of nationalistic pride. My apathy quickly turned to certainty that Bin Laden’s death was an absolute necessity to provide the closure we’ve all yearned for since 9/11. “USA! USA! USA!”, played in my head. I was so moved that I even made a patriotic post on Facebook (which we all know is the only legitimate way to express your emotions in the digital age). I went to work energized and excited. Later in the day I tuned into CNN and saw images of Iraqi’s, Pakistani’s, and Afghani’s burning American flags and cursing America for our callousness. In an instant my patriotism was transformed into a melancholy sadness. “Holy shit – we’re no better than them,” I thought.

I imagine the range of emotions I went through processing the death of Bin Laden are not unlike the range of emotions one would go through during / after a one-night stand with a fat chick (not that I would know). Surprise and confusion at the start, followed by satisfaction and relief during the act, concluding with regret and self-loathing post coital relations. I’m in the regret and self-loathing stage at the moment.

On the one hand I’m filled with respect and admiration for our troops who carried out this brave mission. On the other hand I’m not sure what we really accomplished. So Bin Laden (the devil himself) is now dead. (Bear with me for a corny, mythological analogy) What if Bin Laden was an evil, bearded Hydra in the form of a human being? We cut off the head of the snake but now nine more heads will grow back to take his place. My point being there are a lot of crazy, evil-ass mother f*ckers out there and I’m pretty sure we just pissed them off. How can we rejoice in the death of one evil individual when his death could and likely will trigger retaliations against America? President Obama is a very intelligent man but he’ll soon be up for reelection so he can’t and won’t acknowledge what I’m about to say. Mr. President, with all due respect, when the f*ck are you and the rest of our government going to wake up and realize that the “war on terror” is a war that can’t be won?

At this time I’d like to propose a truce with al qaeda. You stay out in the middle of butt f*ck Egypt where you belong and stop murdering innocent Americans with your cowardly terrorist acts, and we’ll stop hunting down your leaders (with our advanced technology and badass military personnel) and turning them into fish food. Sound fair?

God Bless America – the greatest country in the world.

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