Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Creepiest Adult Behaviors

I spent a day in downtown LA (or the zombie zoo as I like to call it) last week and was reminded of just what a freak show the world can be. Angry Raider fan (who you NEVER want to make eye contact with) looking for trouble, crazy homeless dude reciting T.S. Eliot, smelly Euro couple chain smoking as they snap pictures of graffiti plagued land marks... and that’s just what I saw on the one block walk from the parking garage to my meeting. Which got me thinking about society as a whole and the socially deviant behaviors of even the most seemingly normal individuals. What follows is a list of the “Top 10 Creepiest Adult Behaviors” (in no particular order of creepiness). Feel free to leave a comment adding to the thread, as I’m confident my list has only begun to scratch the surface.

1) Excessively collecting random shit: Who-o-o, Who-o-o, Who-o-o’s crazy? Um, this bitch.

2) Men who wear nightgowns: Nice nightie Chachi. Did it come with a pair of fruit boots, too?

3) Performing with reckless abandon at karaoke bars: My ears are bleeding sweetheart. Please put the microphone down.

4) Grown men who wear baseball gloves to stadiums: Come on baldy, you actually took the time to bring your damn glove to the game but then let the guy with bare hands grab the ball? Double fail.

5) Wearing matching outfits (under any circumstances): I… um… uh… I got nothin. Speechless.

6) Dudes with earrings: Even a dude as pretty and British as you has no business wearing jewelry on his ear lobes.

7) Getting overly intense at rock concerts: Don’t freak out screamer but I think the guy on your right might be a serial killer.

8) Wearing sports jerseys as everyday apparel: Put your hands down chief. We all know who's the biggest douche in the room.

9) Guys who say “Okey Dokey”: One part gay, one part nerdy. Two parts CREEPY.

10) Referring to yourself in the 3rd person: “Jimmy played pretty well. Jimmy’s got some new moves. Check Jimmy out.” Instant classic.

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