Monday, July 18, 2011

How Coed Softball is Like Life

My wife and I started an adult coed softball team last year and it’s been quite the experience. Being new to the process we decided it would be a good idea to join a competitive league. Every member of our team is in relatively good shape and has a background in athletics so how hard could it be, right? After being “mercy’d” (a game is called when one of the teams is losing by 15 or more runs after the 4th inning) in our first two games we quickly realized that the teams in the competitive leagues mean business, coed or not. Heading into game #3 we changed our team name to “No Mercy” (you see what we did there? very clever, I know) and haven’t been mercy’d since. The fact that we started practicing and knocked the rust off our bats and gloves didn’t hurt either. While humbling in the beginning competitive coed softball has turned out to be a very rewarding experience and we now spend every week looking forward to Friday nights (game night). Some nights we’re able to recapture shades of glory’s past… and some nights we just look old. But regardless every night we have a lot of fun and we learn something about ourselves and about life. What follows are 15 ways that coed softball is like life:

1) If you’re going to draw attention to yourself you better be able to back it up

2) The fit people tend to perform better and have longer playing careers

3) When you make an error your wife is always the first person to pile on and give you shit

4) It’s way more fun to play when you’re drunk

5) Swinging for the fences almost always results in an out

6) Winning matters – losers stay home for the playoffs

7) The hot chicks get all the attention

8) Youth has its moments but experience prevails in the end

9) If you don’t take an at bat you have absolutely zero chance of getting a hit

10) Sometimes you fall down and you’ve got to dust yourself off and get up (except for that fat lady who broke her arm a couple weeks ago – she got carted off on a stretcher)

11) Differences are best worked out at the bar after the game is over

12) Nobody remembers what you did the game before – to stay great you’ve got to prove yourself every week

13) If you don’t plan ahead there’s a slim chance you’ll make the right decision in the heat of the moment

14) There’ll always be some asshole you want to punch in the face

15) Losing f*cking sucks

And there you have it. Sport imitating life one high-arching, slow pitch at a time. See you on the diamond.

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