Tuesday, October 18, 2011

And We Have A New Nominee For Father Of The Year

It's 39-year-old Shawn Weimer (pictured above) who faces charges of child abuse after making his 9-year-old daughter drive him to a service station because he was too drunk to take the wheel, police said. The outing was caught on tape by the station’s surveillance video, which shows the van pulling up to the station around 3 a.m. on Oct. 8, and Weimer walking in with his daughter.

Hmmm, drunk at 3:00 am with a hankering for a slurpee and nachos. How to get to convenient store? Think damn it, think. Wait a second, my 9-year-old daughter is sober. Bam - problem solved. Either he’s a drunken genius or the worst father in the history of time (probably both).

Weimer was arrested after police officers in Brownstown Township, southwest of Detroit, were alerted by a 911 call. “A child is driving and her dad is drunk and he’s in the passenger side,” the caller, who watched the girl get in the driver’s seat at the service station and pull the vehicle onto the road, told a 911 dispatcher. “Are you sure the child’s driving, sir?” the dispatcher asks the caller.

Can you really blame the dispatcher for questioning the authenticity of the call? We’re talking about Detroit – the meth capital of the Midwest.

When police stopped the car a few miles later, they were surprised to see the young girl really sitting behind the wheel, in a booster seat but still able to operate the van’s gas and brakes. They were even more surprised at the 9-year-old’s reaction. “She looks at the uniformed police officer, and says ‘What did you stop me for? I was driving good,’” Brownstown Detective Lt. Robert Grant said. The girl later told detectives that this wasn’t the first time her dad had her serve as his designated driver. “She explained to me that he did let her drive before,” Grant said. “On this night, she indicated, he was drinking whiskey and, for whatever reason, instead of the little girl being in bed at 3 a.m., he decided to go for a ride after drinking.”

Where to begin? First off whose idea was it to use a booster seat? “A” for resourcefulness and an “A+” for safety. You can never take safety too lightly in these situations. Secondly did she really say to the police officer, “What did you stop me for? I was driving good.” OMG – I think I love her. (first and last time in the history of this blog I’ll ever use the acronym OMG) Seriously though if she’s up for adoption, please send me the paperwork – I’m very interested. Lastly, how did she know he was drinking whiskey and not, say bourbon? This kid’s obviously a genius.

Officers described Weimer as “argumentative” in telling them he was just teaching his daughter to drive. Weimer and the girl’s mother are separated and she was spending the weekend with him.

Who doesn’t teach their 9-year-old how to drive at 3:00 in the morning after slamming down a bottle of Jack? And you’re separated from the girl’s mother? Shocker.

Weimer refused a Breathalyzer test and was arrested. He was charged with second- and fourth-degree child abuse, one a felony and the other a misdemeanor, for the Oct. 8 incident. He was also charged with being a habitual offender from previous convictions for unarmed robbery, felony firearm possession and receiving and concealing stolen property. He could face 15 years in prison if convicted. Weimer was also ordered to have no contact with his daughter, now back in the custody of her mother.

Let this be a warning to future mother’s everywhere. This is exactly the type of shit that happens when you procreate with a mutant like Shawn Weimer. Dollars for doughnuts the poor kid ends up a stripper. It would be sad if it wasn’t so funny.

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