Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ponderings From The Target Checkout Line



I was standing in line at Target the other day trying to avoid making eye contact with the freak show all around me when my mind started to wander...

What the hell ever happened to waterbeds? Those things were genius outside the severe back problems and their inevitable propensity to spring a leak, of course.

Why are strip clubs called gentlemen’s clubs? I don’t know firsthand but I’ve “heard” those places are filled with nothing but low life’s and degenerate perverts.

When did everything start becoming salted caramel flavor? It’s the new pomegranate.

How come it’s okay for humans to hunt animals but when animals hunt us they’re labeled rogue and dangerous? “… and the hunt continues for the rogue shark off the coast of Florida.” Rogue? More like hungry if you ask me.

Does anyone else find it ironic that the richest family in America (the Waltons) made their fortune off the poorest families in America? Seriously – the people who shop at Target are like royalty compared to the food stamp mutants who shop at Walmart.

What is Tim Tebow always praying about? He does realize that God’s not pulling any strings for the Broncos to win, right? Because as EVERYONE knows God is a Chargers fan (just not this season – I hate you Satan, I mean Norv).

Why is everyone so pissed off at the 1% and the inequality of wealth in America? Do you think corrupt politicians fund their own campaigns and gentlemen’s clubs make themselves rain, hello.

When did Hollywood writers just completely hit the wall on ideas for new movies? No offense to the new Karate Kid and the new Footloose but I already saw those flicks like 20 years ago.

How many times a day are they going to keep playing Adele’s, “Someone Like You”? Sure it’s a good song but seriously, enough already. They do realize it’s about a crazy stalker lady, right?

Does this lady behind me really think it’s okay to be standing so close? I can literally smell what she ate for lunch. Back the f*ck up, bitch. Why do I even need to say this?

That’s all the Holiday cheer I have time for right now.

Season’s Greetings,

The Quinsey Blog

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