Friday, November 18, 2011
Pulling a “Sandusky” (verb): to tell a ridiculous, unbelievable lie without even the least bit of conviction.
I had to listen to this interview several times to make sure I was actually hearing what I thought I was hearing. In perhaps the most surreal television interview of all time, pedophile and former assistant football coach at Penn State University, Jerry Sandusky, told bold faced lie after bold faced lie while being questioned by Bob Costas on Monday night. He was tentative in his responses and stammered frequently throughout the interview, both telltale signs of any liar worth his salt.
"I say that I am innocent of those charges," said Sandusky (unconvincingly).
When asked by Costas, "Are you a pedophile?" Sandusky responded (after an awkward pause), "No."
Sandusky was charged earlier this month with 40 criminal counts accusing him of sexual abuse of minors. He is currently free on a $100,000 bond and has denied any wrongdoing. The allegations date back to 1994, according to the grand jury report filed November 5 in Pennsylvania state court. The report detailed claims of alleged sexual encounters with as many as eight boys in Sandusky's home, hotels and Penn State locker rooms.
"I could say that I have done some of those things. I have horsed around with kids. I have showered after workouts. I have hugged them and I have touched their legs without intent of sexual contact," said Sandusky uneasily.
This response in particular really made me sick to my stomach. The way he said it, it was almost like he was trying to convince himself that he didn’t do anything wrong. Which conjured memories of the disturbing TV documentary, “Living with Michael Jackson”, which aired in 2003. I remember thinking at the time that Jackson was completely full of shit. I feel no differently today about Sandusky.
When asked by Costas to concede any wrongdoing, Sandusky said, "I shouldn't have showered with those kids."
Really? That’s what you’re going with? Well shucks Bob, what grown man doesn’t enjoy a nice shower with a young boy every now and then? There’s a special place in hell for sick f*cks like you, Sandusky.
Sandusky's attorney, Joseph Amendola, verified Sandusky's voice and asserted his client's innocence. "I believe in Jerry's innocence. Quite honestly, Bob, that's why I'm involved in the case," Amendola said.
Yeah and I’m sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this trial is going to be the biggest circus of the century, and you’ll be right smack dab in the middle of it all, you shameless f*ck. You couldn’t be more transparent if you tried.
"We expect we're going to have a number of kids, now how many of those so called eight kids we're not sure, but we anticipate we're going to have at least several of those kids come forward and say this never happened. This is me, this is the allegation, it never occurred. In fact, one of the toughest allegations...what [Mike] McQueary said he saw, we have information that that child said that never happened," Amendola said.
God I hate lawyers.
McQueary is currently on paid administrative leave from his job as an assistant coach for Penn State's football team. In 2002, while a graduate assistant, he witnessed Sandusky allegedly engaged in a sexual act with a minor in the Penn State locker room's showers, according to the grand jury report. He told Paterno what he witnessed, according to the grand jury testimony.
Sandusky said McQueary's claims are false. "We were showering and horsing around and he [the boy] actually turned all the showers on and was actually sliding across the floor and we were, as I recall, possibly like snapping a towel," Sandusky said (creepily).
Wait, back up the truck. Do you really expect anyone to believe that McQueary mistook “sliding across the floor” and “possibly like snapping a towel” for you sexually assaulting a young boy? Let me ask you this you depraved pervert: what the f*ck did McQueary possibly have to gain by going to Joe Paterno (your boss and long time friend) with false accusations of you sexually abusing a child? In case you hadn’t noticed his life is ruined too.
Sandusky also addressed allegations that he apologized to the mother of one of the alleged victims and said "I wish I were dead" in 1998. "I didn't say, to my recollection, that I wish I were dead. I was hopeful that we could reconcile things," Sandusky said.
Reconcile things after molesting her kid? I wish you were dead, asshole.
The scandal has tarnished the reputation of the once-heralded football program, leading to the firing of legendary Coach Paterno and three other university officials. It’s also left students and residents of State College, Penn., shocked. Sandusky said that right now isn't "the best days of my life."
Not the best days of your life? There’s an understatement. If you think things are bad now just wait until you’re getting ass-raped in the state penitentiary by a large, black man named Bubba. You know what they say - poetic justice is best served from behind.
"How would you think I would feel about a university that I attended, about people that I worked with, about people that I care so much about and how do you think I would feel about it? I feel horrible," Sandusky said.
Apparently not horrible enough to stop lying about it.
When asked if he felt responsible for damaging Penn State's image, Sandusky said, "I don't think it's my fault. I've obviously played a part in this, but I don't think I should be accused as I have been."
Played a part in it? You’re being too modest you degenerate scumbag. You played the freaking starring role.
"I don't know what I can say or what I could say that would make anybody feel any different now. I would just say that if somehow people could hang on until my attorney has a chance to fight for my innocence, that's about all I can ask right now. Obviously, it's a huge challenge," Sandusky said.
Yeah, it’s a huge challenge because you’re GUILTY.
When asked if he had a sexual attraction to underage boys, Sandusky awkwardly paused again (as if he had to think about it) and said, "I enjoy young people. I love to be around them, but no, I'm not sexually attracted to young boys."
Hey sicko, if you’re going to come on national television and lie to everyone, at least have the decency to tell lies that make sense and do it with conviction.