Monday, February 20, 2012

What's Worse?

Let’s play a fun game I like to call “What’s Worse”? Feel free to leave a comment adding to the thread.

What’s Worse?

Dudes who grunt loudly while lifting weights at the gym, or the spotters who cheer them on emphatically?  Meathead meet douche bag.  Douche bag meet meathead.

A young man who thinks that lighting a cigarette on the stove top is a good idea (I’ve witnessed this first hand), or an old lady without eyebrows who instead paints them on (unevenly) with make-up.  It’s a toss-up, but at the end of the day neither have eyebrows so they both fail.

Fat people who talk about how healthy they eat (liars), or people who say they’re happy being fat (even bigger liars)?

Creepy old guys with young Asian girlfriends (why do I see this so often?), or creepy old guys who are completely comfortable walking around buck naked in the gym locker room?  Ladies, how do you get past those saggy old guy balls? Seriously?

“Replying to all” with no consideration whatsoever if it’s appropriate or necessary to do so, or the excessive use of abstract acronyms (ROFL, SMH, TTFN)?  What the f*ck do these even mean?

Shameless Facebook status updates to make your “friends” jealous, or shirtless profile pic’s to make your “friends” even more jealous? (guilty and guiltier)

The B-52’s, Michael Buble, or Maroon 5?  I know I shouldn’t drive angry, but whenever their songs come on the radio it takes every fiber of my being to hold back the rage (All the moves like Jagger, I’ve got the moves like Jagger, I’ve got the moo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hooves like Jagger… AHHHHHHH!)

Racial ambulance chaser, Al Sharpton, or feminist ambulance chaser, Gloria Allred?  If they ever got in a boat together I’d pay for the cement to sink it to the bottom of the ocean.

Boston accent or Southern drawl?  I’ll take nails on a chalkboard or shovel scraping against a rock, thank you very much.

Chain smoking Euros or pot smoking hippies?  Depends on who’s squatting / protesting in the park.

Forty-something soul patch guy or forty-something Affliction t-shirt guy?  Throw in forty-something skinny jeans guy and you’ve got a douche-fecta.

Old people who can’t figure out the Southwest Airlines boarding process, or the asshole holding ticket A30 who insists on standing in front of you even though you’re clearly displaying A26 on your ticket?  Not sure which is worse, but pretty sure one’s getting punched in the face.

Guy out looking for a fight or guy out looking for a karaoke bar?  Can I punch the second guy instead?

People who eat organic food because they think it’s better for you than regular food, or people who don’t drink alcohol because they think it’s bad for your liver?  Hello, haven’t you ever heard the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?”

Blue tooth walking through the mall guy or blue tooth sitting in a restaurant guy?  Nobody’s that important dude – take that shit off your ear – you look like an asshole.

And finally…

Vanilla blogs that never dare post content which might be deemed offensive or inappropriate, or awesome blogs that consistently offend those who lack a heightened sense of humor with inappropriate yet honest content?  I think you already know the answer to this one.

Happy President’s Day everyone.

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