Tuesday, July 17, 2012

"Fat Sex” – A Counterpoint


I got up this morning refreshed and looked out my window just in time to see the morning sun cresting over the speckled hills across the street back-dropped by a brilliantly clear blue sky.  I took a deep breath, thankful to be alive amidst all of this beauty, and thought to myself, “today’s going to be a great day.”  Then I turned on the TV and saw this slob being interviewed on the Today Show.

Her name is Rebecca Jane Weinstein and she recently authored a book entitled, “Fat Sex: The Naked Truth”.  I don’t even know what the book’s about and I already want to burn every copy ever printed.  Weinstein wrote the book to counter the widely-held beliefs that “large-sized people are unattractive to everyone, that they’re asexual, that they’re not interested in sex.”  (They are, they should be, and no one would be interested in reciprocating even if they were.)  The truth of the matter is,” she explained, “there’s no difference between large-sized people and small-sized people — as far as sex goes. Everybody is interested in what they’re interested in.”  (I object, vehemently.)  She added, “There are even those who appreciate large people, that’s their preference.”  (Yeah, there’s a clinical term for those folks: sexual deviants.  Or as I like to call them: depraved perverts.)

For the book, Weinstein collected stories about sexuality from other adults who struggle with weight issues. The common theme, she found, was that “because of the messages people are given about size — starting from very young — they believe that they just aren’t worthy.”  (When you weigh more than a baby elephant you’re probably not.)  Weinstein told the stories of her own personal struggle with weight. When she was a nine-year old, she explained, her grandmother told her and her family that “no one would ever love her” because of her weight.  (Listen to your elders, Rebecca - they always know best - except of course when they get racist.)  When asked about the theme of the book Weinstein responded, “It’s a message of acceptance and understanding and empowerment, and really connections for all people.”  (Hmmm… sex w/ fat people = empowerment.  Who knew?)

Let’s be honest here, people.  Anyone who says they are happy being fat is really just saying they’re too f*cking lazy to do anything about it.  If you ask me a lard ball who adamantly states they are “comfortable in their own skin” is no different than the notion of a “functional alcoholic”.  They might be able to get through each day, but it doesn’t mean they’re not killing themselves all the while.  Obesity is very much like alcoholism, only it will kill you faster.  Plus-sized models tell you that “fat is beautiful”.  What they neglect to tell you is that it’s also the second leading cause of preventable death in the United States behind only tobacco use.

I get it, staying in shape isn’t nearly as easy as the alternative.  I say this as a person who was overweight at one point in my life (for those psych majors out there I’m sure this explains a lot).  Granted I didn’t look like “Jabba the Hut” Weinstein, but I wasn’t healthy either.  At the time I didn’t like myself and I had a horrible body image, so guess what?  I did something about it.  With hard work, dedication, and discipline, I transformed myself into a person I was proud of.  You know what else in life those qualities are good for?  Um, everything?  Yes, it translates.  I’m not saying fat people are bad people.  I’m just saying fat people could be so much better versions of themselves with a little effort and will power.

I actually feel sorry for Rebecca Jane Weinstein.  Not because she weighs 500 pounds and is utterly grotesque.  (Seriously, imagine having sex with this woman.  Even getting to the starting gate would be a colossal feat.  Is it in yet?  How about now?  Okay, let me try a different angle.  What about now?  I feel like it’s in.  Yuck.)  I feel sorry for her because she’s living a lie.  Imagine going to the lengths of writing a book, getting it published, and then going on TV to pimp it, all to cover up the fact that you’re completely miserable (there’s no way anyone who looks like her isn’t completely miserable).  And now her book will serve as an excuse for other fat people out there (@ 2/3 of the U.S. population) to do nothing about solving their own weight problem.  Brilliant – further proof that misery loves company.  Wouldn’t it have just been easier to step on a treadmill? 

Let me make this clear.  There is nothing positive about being fat.  Contrary to what Mrs. Weinstein’s trying to sell, you are not attractive to other people (chubby chasers don’t count), there is a difference between fat people and thin people (sexually and in every other way), you shouldn’t accept it, you shouldn’t be empowered by it, you’re not worthy, and as mean as it may sound, granny was right - it will be hard if not impossible to find someone to love you when you’re the size of a Volkswagen.  On top of all that you will most certainly die young (there’s a reason you rarely see extremely fat old people).  The good news?  You can do something about it.  Being fat isn’t a death sentence.  Everyone has a choice.  Get off your ass and exercise.  Watch what you put into your body.  Try harder.  It’s not rocket science, people.

To all who teased me when I was a chubby kid: Life’s a marathon, not a sprint.  Wanna race me now?


Unknown said...

I totally do not remember you ever looking fat, that must have been before 5th grade I guess.

James Allen said...

I didn't know the had dress codes! It's too damn hot in Austin to dress, so most everyone looks like Louie CK, but with ear lobe gaskets. Do you have anything published I could order? I am good for shortish articles online, but anything over a few pages and I get cross-eyed. Also, Do you ever do the fests down here, SXSW or Fantastic Fest?
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