The presidential election looms just months away and here I find myself at the crossroads of apathy and disgust. Maybe it’s always been this way, but this race in particular seems exceptionally bad. Instead of focusing on the merits of their own credentials, these candidates have seized every opportunity to throw stones at one another in a childish barrage of negative campaigning. Shit, I don’t even know where they stand on most of the important issues. But I do know all the things Obama has done wrong over the past 4 years, and I do know exactly how Romney feels about the 47% (that was brutal). I find myself so disillusioned with the process that I almost don’t even want to vote. But then I think about our friends to the south and I’m reminded that it’s my civic responsibility to vote on election day. You see we were vacationing in Mexico this past summer during their presidential election and the whole country pretty much shut down so everyone could vote. There were huge lines all over town and people literally waited in line for hours just to cast their vote. They took the election so seriously that stores couldn’t even sell alcohol for the entire weekend (which actually bummed me out – thank God we’d stocked up on Friday). The point is we could really learn something from our friends in Mexico about the importance of presidential elections and how we shouldn't take the decision lightly. It’s just too bad we have to choose between two jack-asses who clearly care more about getting elected than fixing the mess we currently find ourselves in. Is Obama a misguided idealist who’s in way over his head? Yup. Is Romney a condescending elitist who’s completely out of touch with the American people? To be sure. These idiots make me yearn for the days of rappin Ron Reagan and gulp, slick Willy (I didn’t vote for or appreciate him at the time but in retrospect I was dead wrong – Clinton was a great president). Love em or hate em, those were two dudes who knew how to lead. Which reminds me of how great America can be (even though it’s not right now). Let us quickly reflect on some of the things that make America the greatest country in the world:
· Despite being just the 3rd most populous country, we dominated the summer Olympics – suck it China!
· No royal family (can those people learn to keep their clothes on already?)
· Despite a $16 trillion national debt and a languishing economy, the American dream lives on (if Antoine Dodson can get rich for being a moron so can you – google him – you’ll thank me later)
· No public stonings for adulterers (think of all the professional athletes we’d lose)
· Free public healthcare for everyone (no wait, that’s Canada)
· New York City (Hong Kong can’t even hold its jock)
· American football (even with replacement refs, it still beats the hell out of soccer any day of the week)
· We’ve got the best gays (Ellen, Anderson Cooper, Jody Foster, Neil Patrick Harris, Ryan Seacrest, etc.)
· We’re not Canada (eh)
· Liberty and freedom for all (seriously – never take this one for granted)
So what will it take to turn things around and make this country great again? Shit, I don’t know. Ask Charlie Sheen – he’s still #winning! And who should you vote for on election day, 2012, to help turn things around and lead us back to the promised land? Your guess is as good as mine. But either way it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to preorder your Chinese Rosetta Stone (just in case). And tall people beware – unless your name’s Yao Ming the Chinese aren’t fond of the vertically gifted (I knew being short would turn out to be a good thing eventually).