Thursday, October 25, 2012

Oh, No He Didn’t


Unfortunately, yes he did.  I’ve seen a lot of f*cked up shit recently.  Just the other day at the pool I saw a lady with a black husband / boyfriend wearing a confederate flag bikini - hello?  Then when I was filling out my absentee ballot I noticed Roseanne Barr is running for president – what the hell?  And finally I read that the TLC Network is giving the entire cast of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” a 3x raise – those freaks now make $20K per episode – each!  But I’m afraid all of that pales in comparison to what was said by Indiana Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock on Tuesday night.  During a debate against Democratic candidate Joe Donnelly he was asked about his stance on pregnancies resulting from rape.  He said (in a corny, emotional tone no less), "I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize life is that gift from God.  And I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen."  Wow.  If you really feel that way perhaps you should get raped yourself and then tell us again how you feel.  What a piece of shit.  No amount of back-tracking or double-talk explanation can ever make what you said even remotely okay.  Predictably the Romney campaign immediately distanced itself from Mourdock's comments, and stressed that Romney's position on abortion - he supports exceptions in cases of rape, incest and when the mother's life is in danger - differs from that of Mourdock.  "Gov. Romney disagrees with Richard Mourdock, and Mr. Mourdock's comments do not reflect Gov. Romney's views. We disagree on the policy regarding exceptions for rape and incest but still support him," said Romney spokesperson Andrea Saul.  And I can only surmise about the internal dialogue that must have taken place inside Romney’s head (Dude, what the f*ck?  You couldn’t have suppressed the crazy for like 13 more days?  Come on, man.)

Many voters, especially women, are going to use Romney’s support of Mourdock (in the light of his recent comments) as a condemnation of his candidacy.  They are going to say Romney/Ryan want to overturn Roe v. Wade and that alone makes them unelectable.  Let me first preface this commentary by stating that I am 100% pro choice, I don’t believe that Roe v. Wade should be overturned, and I am completely in favor of allowing women (and no one else) to make decisions about their own bodies.  That said I would caution voters to make their presidential selection based on this one issue alone.  First off judging the entire Republican party based on the idiotic ramblings of one delusional asshat is like judging all southerners based on the ignorance and bigotry of one racist, redneck.  Wait, perhaps that’s not the strongest comparison.  Whatever, you get my point - we’re not all evil.  Secondly basing your entire election decision on just one item Romney said he wants to get done is completely missing the bigger picture.  Four years ago I voted for Barack Obama.  He had a whole list of socialistic shit he wanted to get done but short of Obamacare he didn’t get any of it pushed through.  The point is I overlooked the parts of his agenda I didn’t agree with in favor of the greater good.  Things were f*cked up and I thought we could all use a little hope and change.  Turns out I was wrong.  But let’s not make the same mistake again.  Just like Obama’s wayward socialistic ideals, Romney isn’t really going to get Roe v. Wade overturned.  He just said that to appease the red states.  It’s never going to happen.  So let’s instead focus on the bigger issues (the broken economy, income stagnation, unemployment, and that 800 lb. gorilla in the room – our gargantuan national deficit / debt).

The bottom line is who’s going to do a better job fixing the stuff that needs fixing.  That is the decision we have at hand.  Is it Governor Romney or President Obama?  I have no idea and even if I did it’s not my place to tell you who to vote for, nor is it yours to tell me.  Let’s just be sure we go to the polls with eyes wide open focused on the big picture, instead of allowing ourselves to be distracted by a shitbag like Richard Mourdock.


The Quinsey Blog

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

A Love / Hate Letter to the Chargers

Dear Alex (Spanos),
After almost 34 years together I’m starting to think this relationship isn’t working.  I’ve given you my unconditional support, my precious time, and my hard-earned money and in return you’ve given me nothing but unrealized expectations (2006), sheer heartache (2009), and colossal disappointment (most recently last night).  In the beginning our relationship was such a rush.  It was all fireworks and passion.  Granted we never reached climax, but it was exciting all the same.  Then the passion kind of fizzled out for awhile.  But it was okay because as everyone knows that’s a natural occurrence in the course of most relationships.  You were down in the dumps for about a decade there but I supported you anyway, always believing you’d find a way to recapture past glory.  In 1994 you really surprised me.  At a time when I didn’t expect much from you, we went farther than we ever had before.  Even though we came up just short of ringing the bell, it was a truly memorable time in our relationship.  Unfortunately it was just a blip on the radar as you promptly went back into the tank for another decade.  But it was okay because that small taste of glory carried us through the tough times.  In 2004 we turned the corner (or at least I thought we did).  The year ended on a low note but our future never looked brighter.  At that time I was more certain than ever that we were meant to be together.  Then, inexplicably, you turned into a miserable tease.  It was almost as though you enjoyed getting me all hot and bothered only to slam the door in my face.  Driving back from your house, emotionally crushed and physically unfulfilled, it was all I could do to not drive my car off the road (no disrespect to Junior Seau).  I can’t tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep at night thinking about what could have been.  Recently you keep threatening to leave and go be with someone else.  Maybe it’s time you made due on this threat.  Perhaps we should start seeing other people so we know what else is out there.  I think it’s time to face the fact that this relationship is dysfunctional and it’s no longer good for either one of us.  I never thought it was possible to love and hate someone at the very same time but that’s exactly how I feel about you.  This relationship may be beyond salvation but we have been together for 34 years and I hate to just throw it all away without making one last ditch effort.  If you really love me it’s time to make some wholesale changes in your life.  First off you need a serious attitude adjustment (fire A.J. Smith).  Secondly you need to stop acting so f*cking stupid all the time (fire Norv).  And lastly (gulp), I never thought I’d say this but it might be time to try a new look (explore alternatives to Rivers).  Until you’re ready to make these changes please don’t attempt to call or contact me.  I’m not in a good place right now and I need some time alone.

John Q.
(Life-long Chargers fan)                 

Friday, October 12, 2012

What Do I Stand For?

You know that song “Some Nights” by Fun.?  I fricking love it.  Every time it comes on the radio I turn up the volume and belt it out at the top of my lungs (yup – I’m that guy).  I wondered what it was about (and I’m not good at deciphering lyrics) so I looked it up on YouTube and watched the video. I still don’t know what it’s about but it has something to do with war and love, I think.  Anyways the chorus really resonates with me for some reason:

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore...
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh

It makes me think of all the things I stand for so I decided to put words to it.  Not that you asked (or care) but what follows is a list of the things I stand for and believe in (in no particular order of importance):

I stand for letting other people do whatever the f*ck they want (gay marriage, scientology, being a libertarian, wearing crocs, watching Honey Boo Boo, etc.) so long as they afford me the same tolerance and freedom.

I believe in personal accountability and owning your failures along with your successes (admit it, Barack, you have no idea what you’re doing).

I stand for life, liberty, and the pursuit of going viral on the internet (the nuttier the better).

I believe that wearing sweatpants during the day means you’ve simply given up.

I stand for modern interpretation and pragmatic flexibility when applying Constitutional law as opposed to relying on blind precedent.

I believe in 2 major food groups: protein and booze (What?  Don’t judge me).

I stand for small government and letting the citizens decide how to spend their money (don’t tread on me).

I believe in the Theory of Evolution and think that anyone who doesn’t is a complete idiot (damn you scientific proof).

I stand for following your dreams but not at the expense of your loved ones (sometimes a backup plan ain’t so bad after all).

I believe a person’s worth shouldn’t be defined by their possessions or the balance in their bank accounts.  If the Apocalypse struck tomorrow none of that shit would matter (unless of course said possessions include a bomb shelter stocked with canned foods, guns, and ammo – for shooting the zombies of course).

I stand for always putting your children’s needs before yours.  When you brought them into this world you gave up all rights to be selfish.

I believe there’s a fine line between opportunism and a lack of integrity (and I believe in toeing that line on a regular basis for personal gain).

I stand for walking softly and carrying a big stick (but mainly for walking softly).

I believe you can cheap out on certain things but that toilet paper isn’t one of them.

I stand for democracy, political transparency, and making Nancy Pelosi go away.

I believe that being gay is predetermined by your DNA, and that anyone who believes it’s a choice is completely out of touch w/ reality.

I stand for standing up for yourself and what you believe in, but not in being an asshole to do so.

I believe that short people are morally and intellectually superior to tall people (I have no practical basis for this belief whatsoever, but I choose to believe it anyway).

I stand for competing fairly and respecting your opponent, but mainly for winning (anyone who tells you that life is not a zero sum game is on the wrong side of the equation).

I believe if I have to hear the song “Gangnam Style” one more time I might actually kill somebody.

Happy Friday,

The Quinsey Blog