Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Final Post of the Quinsey Blog

I originally established this blog to create a literary presence for myself upon the advice of a literary agent.  She said the fastest way to get published was to create a following, and the fastest way to create a following was through a blog.  It started out benignly enough but then quickly morphed into something entirely different.  I openly shared my unfiltered thoughts and inappropriate views with the world and though most people were afraid to comment publicly (the whole asshole by association thing), I had complete strangers e-mailing me on a daily basis saying how much they enjoyed reading my posts.  As word spread and more and more people began following the blog, an alter ego of sorts was created.  I can’t lie, I’ve loved the attention.  And it’s caused me to look at the world in a whole new way.  I find myself compelled to snap pictures of fat people, midgets, and dudes w/ blue tooth headsets, and I constantly take notes to myself to remind me of things to write about later.  The world has become this strange moving picture show from which I draw inspiration for the blog.  Unfortunately, just like the 14-2 Chargers of 2006, all good things must come to an end (damn you Tom Brady).  And so it is with a heavy heart that after 5 years and 196 posts (195 official posts + 1 that was pulled), I must bring this experiment to an abrupt end.  2013 is a new beginning of sorts for me, and a time to explore new outlets of creativity.  What started out as a quest for publication truly became a journey to personal enlightenment.   And though I may be no closer to publication today than I was on day one, I can tell you with the utmost certainty that it’s all about the journey.  As I shut down my lap top and wipe away the tears, let me leave you with one final thought:

Life is a freak show.  Never leave home without your camera phone.

Until we meet again,
The Quinsey Blog 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Bad Egg or a Rotten Parent?

I really like eggs.  I eat them a lot.  Every now and then, but not often, you come across a bad egg and have to throw it away.  The recent tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT, has me wondering if this same paradigm applies to people.  Every now and then are people just born bad eggs, destined for evil and wrong-doing regardless of their upbringing?  My instincts tell me no.  Although I think everyone has a certain aptitude for darkness, I believe there’s always a root cause for evil behavior.  So what it really comes down to is parenting.  Have you loved your children and taught them how to love in return?  Have you disciplined your children and taught them the difference between right and wrong?  Have you hugged them when they needed a hug, cared for them when they were hurt or ill, demonstrated that there are consequences for every action, and ultimately shaped them into contributing members of society?  Most importantly have you taught them the value of human life?  If you haven’t done each of these things then you’ve failed at the most important job you’ll ever have.  And you have no one to blame for their evil deeds but yourself.
People want to make this a gun control issue or a mental health issue but those are just symptoms.  The root cause goes back to the same thing, poor parenting.  If you want to keep guns around your house (I don’t but I respect other’s rights to do so) just be sure to keep the guns locked up safely away from your children, and when they’re the proper age teach them how to handle the guns safely.  If your child has mental health issues get them the professional help they need, and for God’s sake keep them out of harm’s way (DON’T keep guns in your house).  Parenting isn’t easy and I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to parent a child with mental health issues.  But you brought them into this world so they’re your responsibility.

Keanu Reeves character (Tod) in “Parenthood” put it best: “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car – hell, you even need a license to catch a fish.  But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.”
In summary, don’t be a butt-reaming asshole.  If every parent simply took accountability for their offspring and raised them properly, we wouldn’t even be talking about tragedies like what occurred in Newtown, CT.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Marching Toward 40: My Metamorphosis from Ordinary to Extraordinary


I turned 39 this week and so begins my slow march to the big 4 - 0.  I remember when by Dad turned 40.  We had a big party at the house and everybody brought funny “over-the-hill” gifts.  40 is after all the age when things start to fall apart and you begin your slow descent down the other side of the mountain, right?  In my case I’m not so sure.  The thing is I don’t feel old.  And I don’t think I look particularly old either.  I’ve actually never felt better in my entire life, and I’ve also never been in better shape.  I’m not rubbing it in, I’m just being honest.  I start to think about the various things that age people and then it all makes perfect sense. 

1)      Old sports injuries: Never got one of those because I was sitting on the bench preparing for middle-aged greatness.

2)      Degenerative frontal lobe (due to recreational drug use in your 20’s): I got married, started my career, and started having kids all prior to my 25th birthday.  No time for killing my brain (booze doesn’t count – it just makes you more interesting – ask anyone).

3)      STD’s: Not here.  Side benefit of nobody wanting to have sex with you in college because you looked like you were 12.

4)      Letting yourself go / physical apathy: I work out religiously 6 days a week like my life depends on it.  And in honor of turning 40, I’m running my first marathon next year (San Diego in June).

5)      Hitching your trailer to a dead horse / squandering your best years on the wrong person: Not me.  I hit the wife jackpot (although I’m not sure she’d say the same thing about me).

6)      Financial hardship: Sure glad I planted that money tree in the backyard.

As a result of avoiding each of these pitfalls I now feel like I’ve gotten more athletic, smarter, more desirable, fitter, wiser, and more interesting with age.  In reality I’ve probably stayed exactly the same while everyone else has gotten worse.  I guess this means I’ve won the war of attrition.  Yay me… I think.  See you at the peak in about 20 years (if my calculations are correct).

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Kate's Pregnant - So F*cking What?


I turned on the news this morning and all they could talk about was the pregnancy of Kate Middleton: when she conceived, speculation over where she conceived, how she has horrible morning sickness, how all of England is rejoicing at the news, blah blah blah.  Why the f*ck do people care so much about this couple?  They’re the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, responsible for absolutely nothing.  But he’s next in line for the crown.  So what?  The royals play a purely ceremonial role in the government of England.  Meaning they have absolutely nothing to do with the government of England.  They’re like the Paris Hiltons of the U.K. - famous for nothing other than being rich and famous.  So I flip off the TV and head to the gym.  I settle in on my stationary bike and what do you suppose the two ladies next to me are talking about?  The pregnancy of Kate Middleton, of course:  “Oh, it’s so great that Kate’s (like they’re on a first basis w/ her) pregnant, what fantastic news.  I’m so happy for her.”  Bitch – you’re not even British.  So I started to think about all the things I care even less about than the pregnancy of Kate Middleton (which was actually a really hard list to come up with, but here goes):

1)      Where you hid your elf on the shelf last night (seriously – who cares?  Besides that thing’s creepy).

2)      Who’s starting for the Jets at QB this week (honestly - does it really matter?).

3)      What you’re thankful for (30 days of thanks?  Enough already).

4)      Global warming (it’s a lie in case you were wondering).

5)      How many goals your kid scored on Saturday (it’s AYSO – everyone plays – even says so in the slogan).

6)      George Clooney’s thoughts on foreign policy (I wish he would just stick to banging hot chicks and being sexy).

7)      Kim Ashley’s thoughts on anything (it’s satellite radio – shut your trap).

8)      What your life coach said (what the hell is a life coach anyway?).

I could probably think of more but I’ve lost interest in this post.  I wonder if Kate’s having twins?