I turned on the news this morning and all they could talk about was the pregnancy of Kate Middleton: when she conceived, speculation over where she conceived, how she has horrible morning sickness, how all of England is rejoicing at the news, blah blah blah. Why the f*ck do people care so much about this couple? They’re the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, responsible for absolutely nothing. But he’s next in line for the crown. So what? The royals play a purely ceremonial role in the government of England. Meaning they have absolutely nothing to do with the government of England. They’re like the Paris Hiltons of the U.K. - famous for nothing other than being rich and famous. So I flip off the TV and head to the gym. I settle in on my stationary bike and what do you suppose the two ladies next to me are talking about? The pregnancy of Kate Middleton, of course: “Oh, it’s so great that Kate’s (like they’re on a first basis w/ her) pregnant, what fantastic news. I’m so happy for her.” Bitch – you’re not even British. So I started to think about all the things I care even less about than the pregnancy of Kate Middleton (which was actually a really hard list to come up with, but here goes):
1) Where you hid your elf on the shelf last night (seriously – who cares? Besides that thing’s creepy).
2) Who’s starting for the Jets at QB this week (honestly - does it really matter?).
3) What you’re thankful for (30 days of thanks? Enough already).
4) Global warming (it’s a lie in case you were wondering).
5) How many goals your kid scored on Saturday (it’s AYSO – everyone plays – even says so in the slogan).
6) George Clooney’s thoughts on foreign policy (I wish he would just stick to banging hot chicks and being sexy).
7) Kim Ashley’s thoughts on anything (it’s satellite radio – shut your trap).
8) What your life coach said (what the hell is a life coach anyway?).
I could probably think of more but I’ve lost interest in this post. I wonder if Kate’s having twins?