Monday, May 19, 2014

Lunch is for Pussies

As I get ready to start my new job (which is a higher-paying, more strategic, working for better people position by the way – everything happens for a reason J), I thought I would reflect upon a highlight from my previous role.  Until recently I was a first line sales manager at a huge corporation.  My team consisted of 35-40 some odd folks.  As such I had to hire and fire people on a fairly regular basis.  The process for getting hired as a sales rep on my team was in a word, extensive.  Prior to a thorough background check, you had to interview with 3-4 levels of management.  Each level could/did introduce a test or series of tests you had to pass in order to make it to the next phase.  Start to finish the process took no less than 8-10 weeks.  At one point I had a candidate who had made it all the way through to the background check, which meant he’d already invested 8-10 weeks of his life in the process.  Unfortunately he’d lied about his previous year’s W2′s (yeah, we checked that shit), so he was turned down for the job.  What follows is the e-mail he sent to my divisional vice president (2 levels above me) upon learning of his rejection.  Let me preface the e-mail by stating that throughout the entire interview process this guy seemed completely normal.  I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent but the rest of his e-mail is verbatim: 


I’ve been told you want to pass because the W2s are inconsistent. What the heck is going on over there? You guys didn’t see that coming when a guy starts over a couple times the last few years?

Look I know the quarter sucked and you can’t afford to take a perceived risk but I need you to step in here and give HR an out.

How the hell are you guys struggling with the BEST technology? I’m looking at my baby and God knows that office needs some energy and I know I can make a difference. I’m 1 step from showing up and throwing elbows because I’m the best guy for that job and I’m not Fucking around.

I’ll be in there before everybody and leave after everybody and lunch is for pussies.

Don’t you want guys with serious responsibilities who can’t afford to lose? You have the best stuff for Pete’s sake. What’s the problem?

Have me back in Joe or I’m showing up anyway man.

Bob Smith

Wow.  The first thing I thought was, thank God we didn’t hire this lunatic.  Then a few questions immediately came to mind:

* Did he really think sending a crazy, profanity-laced e-mail to the divisional vice president would reverse our hiring decision?

* I wonder if he’s related to Charlie Sheen?  #Winning

* Should I be concerned that this dude is going to show up at the office to inflict bodily harm upon me?

* Hmmm… Lunch is for pussies?  That’s hilarious.  Clearly I’ve just found the title for my book.

People never cease to amaze me.

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