Friday, December 12, 2014
I Hate Michael Buble
I heard a Michael Buble Christmas song on the radio the other day. I almost drove my car off the road and into a tree (on purpose). I don’t know why but I have an unnatural hate for the guy. I obviously don’t know him or anything about him. But whenever I hear his music a blind rage starts to burn deep inside of me. I literally want to break shit and hurt people (and I’m not an angry person – I swear). Maybe he wronged me in a past life. Maybe I’m jealous of his fame and fortune. Or maybe I’m spot on and his music is complete garbage. Fuck – just writing this post makes me think about him singing and that stupid (I’m so sexy) look he gets on his face. Thinking about him singing with that stupid look on his face makes me angry. Now you’ve done it Buble – you’ve pissed me off without doing anything at all. Damn it – why do I hate you so much? Clearly the only thing left to do is write a poem:
Buble, Buble I wish you’d go away
Your wife is super hot, though I thought you were gay
A smug look in your eyes, you think you’re the shit
But I cannot stand you, not one little bit
The awards that you’ve won I cannot explain
Your voice makes me sick, fills my soul with disdain
Your hair is just so, you are never clean shaven
You’re a miserable douche bag just like Cliff Clavin
Every time that you sing it makes my ears bleed
My hatred for you it grows like a weed
You’re a self-absorbed jackass there isn’t a doubt
But what is this deep seeded loathing really about?
I googled your name and it became plain as day…
You’re a maple leaf loving Canadian, eh?
And there you have it.