Friday, January 16, 2015

I Want It Now!

I went to the movies the other night with my family.  We were at the VIP theatre at the Regency in San Juan Capistrano.  It’s one of those deals with the leather, reclining chairs where you can order food and drinks from your seat.  Not sure why we need so much luxury and excess comfort while watching a movie, but I have to admit it’s pretty sweet.  Anyway the lady two rows behind us was making a big stink about there not being any foot rests attached to the recliners.  She was telling the waitress that she and her husband go to Cinepolis (higher end chain that’s even nicer and more expensive than Regency VIP) all the time and that they offer foot rests.  The waitress nicely explained that it’s simply not an amenity offered by the Regency.  The lady, unrelenting, escalated and asked for the manager.  When he arrived (he was like 20 years old) the nag berated him and yelled, “How are we supposed to make it through an entire movie without putting our feet up?”  She didn’t even realize just how absurd a statement she had just made.  The poor kid calmly explained that they were not the Cinepolis and apologized profusely for their (egregious) lack of foot rests.  The entitled cow continued to denunciate the staff and the movie was about to start.  So the quick-thinking manager sped off to a back room and soon emerged w/ an ottoman which he set in front of the portly shrew.  She grumbled a few times but then settled back into her seat appeased, and commenced stuffing her pie hole full of popcorn and Milk Duds.  Crisis averted.  That manager is clearly a better man than me.  If I was him I would have folded that fat bitch right up into her chair.
A couple days later I was at a friend’s house watching a college football game.  It was a small gathering to eat barbeque, partake in some libations, and watch the Rose Bowl on TV.  All was good and fine until one of the guests approached our host with an odd request.  He said, “If it’s not too much trouble I’d like an iced coffee.”  An iced coffee?  At a football party?  When everyone else was drinking booze?  The host, who is one of the nicest and most accommodating people I know, was a bit puzzled by his drink order.  Her immediate response should have been, “Dude, do you think this is fucking Starbucks?”  But instead she smiled, went into the kitchen, and made that entitled asshole a fucking iced coffee.  She is clearly a better person than me.  Had that shit bag asked for an iced coffee during a football party at my house I would have punched him in the throat without hesitation.

Two examples of reckless entitlement in less than a week and I fear this is becoming a trend.  When did we begin to live in a world where people get whatever they want whenever they want it?  I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise.  Just look at the environment we’ve created for our kids.  Participation trophies for simply showing up.  A peanut free zone in every elementary and middle school.  A pervasive “AYSO” mentality where everyone plays and gets smoke blown up their ass about how great they are even when they’re not.  But then it hits me.  I live in Orange County, CA, which is pretty much a real life Truman Show.  In the OC we’re intent on blindly raising a generation of pretentious assholes who require footrests at the movies and iced coffee on a whim.  The South may have illiteracy and incest, but I highly doubt they’re dealing with this shit.  Maybe it’s time to consider a move.  God help us all.