Tuesday, June 30, 2015

#hashtageducation

 

What a hashtags is:

A hashtag is a type of label or metadata tag used on social networking services which makes it easier for users to find messages with a specific theme or content. Users create and use hashtags by placing the hash character # (or number sign) in front of a word or unspaced phrase, either in the main text of a message or at the end. Searching for that hashtag will then present each message that has been tagged with it.  To put it simply, a hash tag is an easy way for people to search for tweets that have a common topic or to begin a conversation on a new topic.

Hashtag origin (allegedly):

Hashtags are believed to have originated on Twitter but, interestingly enough, were not an intended function of Twitter.  Some believe they began when a damaged US Airways plane was famously landed in the Hudson River in early 2009.  An unknown Twitter user wrote a post and added #flight1549 to their tweet.  Somebody else read it and when they posted about the incident also added #flight1549 to their tweet.  Tweets began to fly around fast and furiously with thousands of people adding #flight1549 to their tweets, and soon the hashtag went viral.  If anyone wanted information on the situation all they had to do was search for #flight1549.  And so was born the most annoying trend in the history of social media.

What a hashtag is NOT:

A hashtag is NOT a clever way to summarize your status updates: We just found out that Suzy got early acceptance to Stanford and Timmy made the all-star team. #mydnaissuperiortoyours

A hashtag is NOT a period at the end of your posts: Finally got that promotion I’ve been waiting for.  No more french fry station for this guy.  Anything is possible with hard work and #perseverance

A hashtag is NOT a literary form of Tourette’s syndrome: Check out my summer vacation pics. #summer #summervacation #vacation #vacay #hawaii #hawaiinstyle #bigisland #island #islandfever #getmypointyet

A hashtag is NOT a way to express your emotions: Came home to catch my wife cheating with the neighbor again. #frustrated #slappedthatho #nowIfeelbetter

A hashtag is NOT an answer to your own rhetorical questions: Guess who’s spending the next 2 weeks in paradise?  #thisguy

A hashtag is NOT an out of control stream of consciousness: I had an epiphany during hot yoga today. #glutenispoison #essentialoilscureeverything #thegovernmentiswatchingme #sellingallmyshitandmovingtothewoods

And finally a hashtag is NOT a fashion statement: #baller (saw a dude in this shirt at the mall last week – fashion fail bro – more like #dipshit).

Really unless you’re a celebrity with millions of followers you shouldn’t use hashtags at all.  Got it?

Note: Spammers often broadcast tweets with popular hashtags even if the tweet has nothing to do with them. 

In conclusion #lovewins #marriageequality

You see what I did there? J

Friday, June 26, 2015

7 Things That Happen When You Decide To Stop Drinking All The Time: A Counterpoint


I found this article on-line after somebody posted the link on Facebook.  It’s on a web site called Elite Daily.  I have to admit I was drawn in by the title.  I drink on a regular basis, not ALL the time, but a sufficient amount of the time.  So I clicked on the link and read.  Like pretty much all of the articles on this web site, it’s a poorly written, ill-conceived piece by an author (I use the term loosely) who more than likely has a state school education (like me J).  The only good part of the article is the picture she posted underneath the caption (although it seems to contradict her point).  This being the Quinsey Blog I decided to have a little fun with the piece.  I’ve interjected my thoughts within the body of her article below (in italics).     

 

7 Things That Happen When You Decide To Stop Drinking All The Time
 

 


 
Lauren Kroetsch in Culture 6/19/2015

 

 

As a former party girl, I know how to get crazy. Any random night — Wednesday? Why not? — I could always be found at whatever bar had the best drink specials.
Then, one day, I decided to see what would happen if I stopped. This is what I discovered:

Dear Lauren - Before we even get started with your ridiculous observations I feel the need to point out that you look about 16 years old in your picture.  You’re a drinking novice at best.  What the hell do you know about the vices of alcohol?  I, on the other hand, am a grizzled 41-year old man w/ more than 25 years of drinking experience under my belt (20 years if my teenagers ask).  Sit back and soak up some knowledge while I take you to school.
  
Your Social Life Will Go Down The Drain

Life after drinking is way less exciting on the surface. Every time your group of friends gets together, it’s to drink until they don’t know their names and meet random people they’ll never see again; or it’s to drink 10 beers at someone’s apartment and run their cars into poles on the way out of the parking lot (I won’t name names).
  
So, while your friends are out guzzling whiskey sours, you’ll be sitting like a hermit in your apartment, watching Netflix and eating a whole bag of veggie chips. And you’ll be mostly okay with that.

Hmmmm… let’s see.  Spending your single nights out on the town creating legendary stories you’ll be able to tell for the rest of your life versus sitting on the couch watching re-runs of Glee stuffing your pie hole full of veggie chips.  How are you even remotely "mostly okay with that"?  Sobriety fail, Lauren. 
  
But, You’ll Find Out Who Your Real Friends Are

When people realize you’re not going out to a club with them anymore, some of your friends will still actually want to hang out with you.
  
You’ll do really awesome non-drinking activities instead: go out to dinner, take your dog for a walk in the park, or go to the movies or a concert.

Your friendships will flourish because you’ll think of way better stuff to do than stand around wearing uncomfortable shoes in a loud, dark room with random people.
  
Hold on, hold on.  Whoever said going out to dinner, walking your dog in the park, and going to movies and concerts are “non-drinking” activities.  I know first-hand that all of those things are way more fun with drink in hand.  Haven’t you ever heard of red-cupping it?  With this half-ass attitude of yours I’m starting to wonder how you have any friends at all.

You’ll Experience The Height Of FOMO

Hearing your friends talk about all their nighttime adventures without you sucks. You didn’t get to meet that hot guy or girl or talk to the weird Uber driver.
  
You didn’t share milkshakes at a diner afterward and then stumble home together when the sun was coming up. At first, you will be jealous. Then, you’ll get over it.

So in other words now that you’re not drinking anymore the plan is to only do boring shit while your friends have all the fun?  Sounds like a pretty solid plan if you want to be completely miserable for the rest your life.  Why don’t you just go get a job at the DMV and throw away your television while you’re at it.  I’m sure “you’ll get over it”.   
  
You’ll Have More Money

Drinks are expensive. Going out multiple times in a week can really put a dent in your bank account.
  
When you stop spending all your money on alcohol, you’ll have more money to buy stuff you’ll actually use.

What could you possible use more than alcohol?  Now you’re just talking crazy.  I think the veggie chips may have gone straight to your brain, hippie.
  
You’ll Lose Weight

There’s a reason you gained the Freshman 15. It’s because you spent every weekend playing beer pong and blacking out at frat parties.
  
When you stop drinking all the time, you stop getting the urge to hit up the Taco Bell drive-thru at 3am or eat that leftover pizza sitting in the fridge. You won’t wake up craving three Egg McMuffins.

And, people will notice. Your jeans will be loose. Since you saved so much money from not picking up the bar tab for eight of your closest acquaintances, you can go out and buy yourself some new, smaller-sized clothes.
  
Um, ever heard of a treadmill?  At your age you can eat and drink whatever the hell you want and then just go burn it off at the gym.  Quit being lazy.

You’ll Be Able To Wake Up Early

After a long hard night of partying, you sleep the whole morning away and finally stagger out of bed with a raging headache and your breath tasting like dry, stale vodka (not sexy).
  
When you didn’t stay up until 4am out on the town, you can actually wake up when the sun comes up and get stuff done in the morning.

You won’t be throwing up or scarfing down greasy food with your sunglasses on and hoodie up, looking and feeling like death.
  
I think we can all agree that nothing good happens in the morning.  Staying up late and doing crazy shit is where it’s at.  Fuck the morning.  And really, what’s better than scarfing down a greasy cheeseburger and fries after a hard night of drinking?  It’s one of life’s greatest pleasures.  I think depriving yourself of alcohol might’ve just killed your fun, Debbie Downer.

You’ll Remember What You Did

You’ve had a few nights where you’ve done stupid stuff (karaoke, calling people from work, throwing up in trash cans) and had to be reminded of it in the morning.
  
Then, you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out or interact with people ever again.

You’ll never know if some things actually happened or if you dreamed them, and you don’t really want to know the answer.
  
When you stop getting drunk every weekend, you are totally conscious of everything you do. Life is way better when you actually remember it.

Oh come on.  Not remembering stuff is the best.  It’s like piecing together a blurry puzzle in order to solve a complex riddle.  And you instantly become an active participant in the best game ever.  Hello, didn’t you ever see The Hangover?         
  
Conclusion

Overall, I’ve missed out on some good drunk fun with my friends, but it’s worth it in the long run. I’ve figured out who really wants to hang out with me and not just drink all night.
I’ve become a morning person and dropped 10 pounds with zero effort.

I’ll still celebrate my birthday with a margarita or have a glass of wine with my mom when I visit. But, it just makes it that much more of a treat.
  
And I get the same buzz from one drink that used to take me around five drinks to get to. That’s definitely a plus.

Blah blah blah.  You’ve become boring and glib, Lauren, and I’m very disappointed in you.  If you ever decide to be awesome again please write an article about that, because this one sucks J.
  
Sincerely,

The Quinsey Blog

  



Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Bruce Almighty



I fully intended to stay away from this topic altogether.  My social media feeds have been inundated with it all week.  On polarizing issues such as this I generally find it better to just keep quiet.  But then I read a post entitled “Bruce Jenner Is Not A Hero” from: emilysuzanne11.wordpress.com and I felt compelled to weigh in.  Her blog is called “Illuminating Truth” and basically analyzes everything from a biblical standpoint.  She has since written a follow up post (after 2.5 million views and 4000+ comments), but didn’t apologize for anything said in her original post.  Her point was that God doesn’t make mistakes.  He made Bruce Jenner a man and that is how he should live out his life.  She concluded the post by stating that Bruce Jenner is simply in need of Jesus.
On one point I agree with Emily Suzanne (but hear me out before you start casting stones).  In my mind Bruce Jenner is not a hero.  He didn’t save anyone.  He didn’t make any major sacrifices for others.  He didn’t put anyone else’s well-being ahead of his own.  He’s just a woman stuck in a man’s body and finally decided to do something about it.  Brave?  Yes.  Hero?  No.
On every other point I think Emily Suzanne is a deranged lunatic.  What do you mean God doesn’t make mistakes?  What about serial killers?  What about pedophiles?  What about rapists?  You want to tell me again that God doesn’t make mistakes?  In her follow up post, Emily Suzanne said most of the comments on her original post were from people accusing her of being a hateful, judgmental idiot.  Well, if the shoe fits.  Just because you rationalize your ignorance with blind religious beliefs, it doesn’t mean you’re not ignorant.  It’s a great, big colorful world out there Emily Suzanne, too bad you’re stuck in black & white.

On the other hand I’m getting really tired of everyone calling Bruce Jenner a hero and singing his praises on social media.  It’s almost as though they’re using this story as a platform to demonstrate how enlightened and progressive they are.  Easy people, it’s just an air-brushed dude with a lot of make-up on the cover of an opportunistic fashion magazine.  He didn’t cure cancer.  The same people making all of those posts are probably really pissed off at me for continuing to refer to Jenner as “he” (I’m doing it on purpose).
Can we all just call it what it is - a guy finally being honest about who he is, and capitalizing on that honesty to make boatloads of cash.  What?  You don’t think he got paid for that photo shoot?  He is part of the Kardashian / Jenner “brand” after all.  It’s also pretty f*cking bizarre.  A 65-year old man tucking away his penis and trying to look sexy on the cover of a magazine?  I can't be the only one who finds this head-scratchingly strange.  There, I said it.  Let the hate mail roll in.  I guess I’m not nearly as enlightened or progressive as the rest of you.

In summary I am thrilled to finally live in a world tolerant enough to embrace transgender men and women and support their plight.  God clearly does make mistakes and I applaud anyone willing to rectify them.  Let’s just not over-sensationalize a story like this when there are so many other problems in the world that are far more deserving of our attention.